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Our youngest had a very challenging habit, he was a chewer. Not only a chewer but EVERYTHING he could put in his mouth went in his mouth! He was very sensory driven that way. To this day (at almost 15 years old) he still likes to chew but limits it to mostly gum now, however straws are high on his list when he doesn’t have gum.

Anyways, he would chew and lick and eat nearly anything including rocks. He was sick often and though this seems like the likely contributor, it actually was still food that made him sick the most. He needed a lot of sensory input for his mouth and though he had a lot of raw vegetables to help with that, it wasn’t enough for him. He DESTROYED so many shirts and metal coat zippers it was crazy!! If he could bite it, he would chew it.

So through research I found a website that REALLY helped. Though I don’t remember exactly what that website was back then. When I bought for my youngest I bought quite a few because I knew how much he chewed. The day they came in my oldest really loved them as well, so they each had their own “chewy” which save me so much of clothing costs!

Some of the things we got were the lanyards and bracelets. The lanyards were by far the best investment and I would definitely highly recommend them. I am still trying to figure out how to do the affiliate links so when I do get it sorted I will be putting the links here for the kind I had gotten.

To this day, at nearly 15 years old he still needs to chew on things! He really loves his gum and it doesn’t matter what kind, as long as he can chew. Otherwise straws are a big thing and toothpicks work too. It is so wonderful to see how God has created everyone so different.

Psalm 139:13-14 “For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.”

^{*Note: As the weather warms up, I have a much harder time being on the computer, so I appologise that the blogs are not more frequent, but as I am just starting out, I’m not sure if anyone is reading them regularly anyways 🙂}

So now that things are going better in our marriage, we are having the struggles with the youngest to work out. As I compacted the last three years in the one blog, in the middle of that time we also moved.

We were living in a two bedroom, 800 sf old mobile home from the 1970s. It was a challenge for sure to fit everyone in, but we made it work. It wasn’t as terrible having the youngest stay in a crib in our room for a while. I had built specialize bunk beds for the older two in the room. The top bunk was like a crib with a gate to open up to the ladder. The bedroom for the kids was only 9′ x 7′, so very very tight to fit all three in.

When my brother and his family decided to move and offered to sell their house and 1/4 section of land to us which was our grandparents before his, I definitely jumped at the chance!! The house was 3x the size of the trailer! The boys could share a large room and our daughter could have her own room and there was a playroom too. The basement was unfinished but that didn’t matter, just the 1.5 stories that we were able to use was double what we had before!

We moved when the youngest was 16 months and it was cold (being December) but so nice to be out of the trailer. We even had a woodstove which made everything so much more cozy on the snowy days. God was so good to us to give us what I had wanted but didn’t think I’d ever get; the farm my grandparents had.

Psalm 67:1 “God be merciful to us and bless us, and cause His face to shine upon us, Selah.”

Our marriage was doing much better at this time. We were working on rebuilding trust and repairing the damage that was done. That doesn’t happen quickly, it takes years to repair. As we were working on that, I was having more issues with our youngest.

The poor boy wasn’t colicky, he was actually ill! But no doctor would listen. For the first couple weeks he was jaundiced, but not severely enough to be hospitalized. I put him in a window with the summer sun shining on him. I had to take him into the hospital a couple times to check his levels, which were getting better each time.

However he was not well. I was nursing but he was still having issues with digestion so I went to formula. That worked for a short time, but then he wouldn’t do well again, so we switched formulas, same thing. It would work for about a month then he was upset again. This went on for the entire first year and a half of his life. He had blood work tests done at different times and had two allergy tests done before he was 18 months and nothing came back as abnormal. His symptoms were diaper rash almost 24/7 that nothing would make go away and it would bleed regularly. If I could get it to stop bleeding, that was wonderful! His stools were never a “proper” colour or consistency. He was almost always hungry and after he ate he never settled well. He would randomly get 102-103F fevers and very regularly. It was so frustrating because the doctors wouldn’t believe me, but he was definitely not well.

So it was time to research for myself!

I did online research as well as trial and error in my cooking and baking. Through everything I managed to figure out the boy couldn’t have anything acidic (salad dressings/vinegar, ketchup, tomatoes, oranges etc), that caused the incessant diaper rash. He couldn’t have anything very fibrous (oatmeal, bran, etc), that was a large part of the stool issues, he couldn’t have anything dairy (tummy issues & stool issues), and the biggest one – no eggs! That would spike a fever within hours!

So we went on a very limited diet for him for many years and slowly the issues cleared up, no thanks to the medical system. I did figure out that all of those things affected him through my breast milk and no matter what kind of formula I used, there would always be something in it that would bother him. The eggs were so severe that even if they were in baking he would have a fever.

There were many, many times he would take a bite of something (usually cookies) then say yucky. I learned quickly that “yucky” meant it hurt his stomach. By the time he was 3 years old, he knew what to ask about and what to avoid already. It actually took 8 years before he could eat eggs without issues. He had a hard time when he was young because he has always loved eggs, however he KNEW he couldn’t have them. He is a teenager now and loves his eggs. He also has no more dietary restrictions! Praise the Lord! If only that were how it was with the older two…

Isaiah 55:8-9 “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts.

The same month my husband moved back home, he quit his second job because that is where many of the issues multiplied. Then his best friend died in a vehicle accident on an icy road. It was heartbreaking for him, but it didn’t push him away from me like it could of. He stayed close to me and to the kids and made the effort to begin the repairs on what had been broken.

As the days, weeks and months went on, so did my pregnancy and our marriage. We went to marriage counselling regularly which helped with communication some but mostly it was the effort made by him to make the changes necessary to keep his family that kept me believing in him and trusting God that he could and would change.

About 2 months before our youngest was due, my husband lost his job. I was still dispatching but my due date was getting close and I knew I couldn’t keep doing it with a newborn very well. My husband went on unemployment and it took time before we got any payments to pay the bills. I don’t know how exactly but God got us through but He always comes through.

I had wonderful parents and grandparents who would often bring out their “extra” groceries from the garden or canning shelves, plus a few things they’d pick up for us on their way out to see us. I remember searching vehicles and couches to find enough change to buy a jug of milk. We were BROKE! BUT we weren’t poor. We had God and we had family.

In the midst of unemployment I gave birth to our third child, a little boy. Things started off fairly well for the first couple weeks but by week three he was having issues. His stools were a fluorescent green and I was told it was “normal”! I was frustrated. By 6 weeks old, at our first doctor’s appointment, I explained about his stools and about how he was becoming more and more fussy. All I was told is it was normal. I knew it wasn’t but couldn’t get anyone to listen to me. So I started researching for myself and we had to put him on formula.

In the midst of this plus unemployment, we managed to make it through it all by God’s provision. My husband was then hired on by my parents company. We didn’t want any hand outs, but we knew we had to accept help because there was just no way we could do it on our own. He was very capable to do the jobs required of him and they forgave him as well and were able to work with him to help him be better for himself and his family.

The job with my parents paid enough to be able to get my husband what we called a “blow box” in his truck. He would have to blow in it to be able to start the truck. If he had any alcohol on his breath, it wouldn’t start. It wasn’t a cheap thing to have but it saved me traveling twice a day with three kids 3 and under to get him to work, so we were very, very grateful for it.

Philippians 4:19 “And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.”

The children were growing and money was tight. We never had a lot to begin with, however once my husband lost his license, it got a LOT harder! We spent extra money on fuel to get him to work and he had a drastic pay reduction when he had to find a new job.

So he had two jobs, one in a shop and the other as a bouncer in a bar a few nights a week. It wasn’t easy, but we made it work. I tried my hand at selling Tupperware (I am NOT a good sales person, but I thought I might try). I also babysat an infant with cerebral palsy for a few months while the parents were busy. Babysitting was lovely, but our location and situation made us unable to create a day home. I was thankful for the chance to babysit. I also started dispatching for a tow company from home. I would work nights and weekends. I could sleep until the phone rang and because I was a light sleeper and up with the kids off and on it wasn’t an inconvenience and the extra income was a huge help!

I became pregnant with out third child and I was so happy. I really had hoped for a large family, I have always wanted seven children of my own. The pregnancy wasn’t as difficult as the previous two. I had forgotten to mention I ended up on bedrest for 2 months with my first pregnancy due to spotting. The second pregnancy I was terribly sick for a long time through out it. So this one seemed much better. Unbeknown to me, it was a blessing from God because of the marital trials to come.

The first trimester, I was a little woozy occasionally, however my husband was really never around. I didn’t know where he was or what he was doing. I had finished reading Love Must Be Tough by Dr James Dobson. I didn’t think my husband was cheating on me or anything of that sort, but I set boundaries on Jan 1, 2009 and told him he had to choose whatever it was he was doing or his family.

Feb 1 he moved out. Our oldests birthday was Feb 3 and I was working on getting him to give up his soother. I didn’t even try anymore. His daddy had walked away so I wasn’t going to add any other stress to his little life. I was in my second trimester and praise the Lord, no illness of any kind came upon me!

While my husband was gone he gave us all his pay cheques and asked that he could have just a little of it. He moved into the city with his parents and continued the life he had chosen, whatever it was. Meanwhile I was still babysitting, trying to sell Tupperware, and dispatching and in the midst of it all I grew closer to God than I had my entire life. I read the fictional book Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers at the same time as the book of Hosea in the Bible. I prayed constantly for my husband, I put up Scriptures on post-it notes all around my trailer, everywhere my eyes would go; down the hallway, on corners, in the bathroom, on mirrors, in the kitchen, beside doors, everywhere I could think of. I listened to worship music and true Christian artists only, nothing secular. As I reflect on that time, I see I was fasting from things of a worldly nature and spending the majority of my time with my Lord.

During that time God opened my eyes to see my husband as He saw him, a lost and hurting child with a past that caused too much damage that a child should have endured. Elohim also opened my eyes to see how even the small sins that in this world mean nothing, hurt Him so terribly bad that He had sent His Son, Yeshua (aka Jesus the Christ) to die for them so we could have a relationship with Him once more. I felt the pain of rejection, hurt, being lied to, and so much more and KNEW that my God felt the exact same way about me EVERY time I sinned! It was so humbling and I knew if God can forgive me over and over and over infinitely, I had to forgive my husband. If I wanted to grow close to the Creator of all the universe, Elohim, then I NEEDED to be like His Son Yeshua, who is also God. (I will not be getting into theology here, this is my belief and it’s not up for debate.)

So after almost three months of seeing my husband maybe once a week so the kids could see him and I could show him I still loved him even though he walked away, he came to me in confession. He confessed he had been cheating on me, that there was another child with one woman from a year before and he had gotten another woman pregnant recently. He confessed that he had been drunk consistently and doing drugs and parties. He was on his knees before me, full of emotion (which he had never been in our entire time together) and desperately trying to get me to hate him. He talked of leaving me and the kids, giving us all his money every pay cheque and just keeping enough for himself to live, going far away to never be part of our lives again.

When he was done speaking, I was able to say in complete honesty and love, through the power of the Holy Spirit “I forgive you”. It was not just words, it was truth! God had worked in my heart so that I could completely and honestly forgive my husband for everything he had done, just as my Lord forgave me. I also told him that the kids and I were not going anywhere and that we didn’t want him to go anywhere. We love him and if he were to leave we would ALWAYS be waiting for him to return.

My husband learned in that moment, for the first time in his life, what true, agape love actually looked like and meant.

Forgiving him didn’t mean that there was trust and no boundaries. Healing takes years and even after almost 20 years the wounds still emerge occasionally. What the forgiveness meant is that my husband is worth my love, my time, my energy, my hope and he is completely worth staying with EVEN THOUGH he is not perfect and his actions were absolutely horrendous. My husband made mistakes, but he is not a mistake, though he was told that by his mother. God doesn’t make mistakes, He makes joy.

Romans 5:3-8 “Not only so, but we also boast in tribulation, knowing that tribulation produces patience, patience produces character, and character produces hope. And hope does not disappoint, because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. While we were yet weak, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. Rarely for a righteous man will one die. Yet perhaps for a good man some would even dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

Though the marriage was difficult, I still loved being married and being a mom. My babies were so precious to me! I loved watching them grow and experience life. Some of those experiences included:

Our son had caught a mouse outside by hand and was swinging it around by the tail. He had hit it on things apparently which had killed it. Then he started playing with it as he would his toy cars on his car ramp. Needless to say once I saw what it was he had, I, um, well, kind of, freaked out! Oh just a little, but mostly internally. I didn’t want to alarm him at about 2 years old, HOWEVER … We got some good sanitizing in for everything involved in his play that day!

He also loved to play with his numerous small cars outside. He would make dirt trails to drive them on. One year we had a lot of slugs in our tiny garden. He decided to “help” get rid of the slugs. Each slug had a little vehicle and he drove them around, until it was time to get rid of them.

Our daughter loved to be outside as well. She would take her dolls outside and play with them there more often than inside all summer long. We had 2 apple trees and a plum tree that were MARVELOUS and they could snack on all they wanted come late summer & autumn. That may be a large part of why they were outside so long and often 🙂 Plus it was much better than our tiny trailer.

Our boy would also drive our daughter around on the tricycle with a seat. She was happy to sit and he was happy to peddle. We were blessed with a very large yard with almost completely fenced in.

Our boy did give us a scare one spring though. Before I had completed the fence he managed to sneak off. I called and searched everywhere! In the house, the yard, the out buildings and there was no answer. There was a small pond like area due to all the snow and spring rain run off. I got very scared he ended up there. I still had our small daughter to care for and couldn’t leave her to look far. The neighbors helped at we ended up calling the police because this was going on for hours.

Not long after the first officer came, our son came out. I was delighted and frustrated! I asked where he was and he said he was hiding in his room. I had checked his room quite thoroughly, I still have no idea where exactly he was, but I was and am so thankful he was alright and it was before a lot more officers had come out!

Oh the things children do can be so entertaining, but the other things can be terrifying! I am so thankful that God is good, all the time.

Psalm 127:3 “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward.”

When our son was under 5 years old he didn’t seem to feel the need to wear a lot of clothes or have the same deep pressure wrapping as he did when he was an infant. However when he would get overwhelmed and upset he would hit various things not only with his hands but he would hit his head on the floor over and over. I would move him to a safe place so he wouldn’t hurt himself and he would continue. With more hindsight I see he needed the pressure and stimulation and I can’t help but wonder if I would have provided a weighted blanket or “burrito wrapping” from such a young age if it would have prevented this behaviour.

This little boy was also so incredibly honest right from when he could talk. One incident I’ll never forget: His sister was in her swing in the living room, because she always needed movement, and I was a room right next to them. All of a sudden she started screaming and I ran in and asked him (who was bout 18 months, and she was about 4 months) why was she crying. All he said was “I bit her.” And he had, there were the marks. I was shocked at how honest he was and a little baffled at how to handle the situation. I wanted to reward the honesty and still punish the behaviour so he understood it was wrong. How do I do that for an 18 month? I don’t know but that is when he started being told, “Thank you for being honest. It is very important to be honest and you will get in less trouble when your honest than when you lie.” That was said many times through the years. I don’t remember what the punishment was other than a possible talking to because, though I had worked with children most of my life, I have never encountered this at such a young age so I was unprepared.

The kids continued to grow and bloom in their own personalities. My marriage was still very challenging most of the time. There was very poor communication and my husband felt attacked whenever I contradicted him on things and he hated when I would try to talk with him about deep, important things. That’s when he would shut down completely.

At this time in my life I also started losing loved ones. I say started because it was a very long and ongoing stretch. It wasn’t only family but also friends so close they were considered family. Many different situations occurred to cause their deaths and each one was difficult in their own ways.

There will be an entire post dedicated to what we went through in that aspect another time.

Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.”

Now I had 2 under two years and though many may feel overwhelmed by all that entails, I was so happy. Remember now, I had always dreamed of being a mom with many children so to me this was just the beginning!

Our oldest seemed to have to talk and move and make noise at all times when awake. He wasn’t able to stay still. Our new born girl would not sleep unless she was moving. That made nights very difficult. Thank the Lord for good friends! A couple weeks after our daughter was born, a friend gave birth to a little girls as well. They had a cradle that they didn’t need so we were blessed to borrow it and it made all the difference in the world! She now would sleep wonderfully through the night and after feedings or if she stirred, a little rock in the cradle would put her back to sleep in no time at all.

It is so amazing to me how each person is so very different right from birth. As I look back on their infancy and childhoods I can see so much of who they are now even back then, but I won’t get a head of myself 🙂

The kids and I would drive my husband back and forth to work every day and when it was pay day we would wait until he got his cheque, then deposit and get groceries. Those days were long day in the city but we found many things to do as we waited. We would go to different parks and playgrounds, exploring places we hadn’t been before and even do laundry when needed. There were a lot of audiobooks and music we listened to as they grew up and I see now just how much of a relaxed time we had just being together. Even when things were difficult and the screaming seemed like it would never end, I would tell myself “this too shall pass and one day I’ll miss it”. Now I see how true the saying really was!

Ecclesiastes 1:3-4 “What profit has a man from all his labor in which he toils under the sun? One generation passes away, and another generation comes; But the earth abides forever.

When our oldest was about 10 months, my husband lost his license for 5 years due to mistakes he made both before we were together and a little while after our wedding. This resulted in him losing his good paying job and having to find something else, as well as me and our son getting up early every day to drive him to work and then going back to get him after he was done. Thank the Lord we lived so much closer than we were before!

Unfortunately he wasn’t home as often as I liked because he now had to work two jobs so we could pay the bills. Many nights he stayed in town to work the night job, get a few hours sleep then go to his day job. We made it work together, but it wasn’t pleasant for me, but I know he has always wanted to provide for us.

While this was happening I was pregnant again with our second. We didn’t find out what we were having the first time and I didn’t want to know the second time either. However as time drew closer we found out my husband would have to serve some jail time for the indiscretions he had done and that jail time would be right at my due date. So he found out what we were having and kept it a secret from me all that time.

More than a month before our second was born, my husband went to the correctional facility. He was there for about a month and through prayers and letters we were able to get him to what was basically like city arrest. He was allowed to stay in the city and go to work and be there for the birth, but he couldn’t come home. I was just happy he was able to be there AND be working again. It was a definite answer to prayers.

Our son and I stayed in the city with him off and on and when the time came to deliver, he was there. We welcomed our second into the world and she was wonderful! I was so pleased to have both a boy and a girl now!

My husband had to stay in the city for the rest of that month but could come home when our daughter was about 3 weeks old. It was back to driving him back and forth to work but with two little ones this time. I didn’t mind, I was very happy to have him back home where he belonged again.

John 16:33 “These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”

In the middle of winter, with no running water, my husband and I welcomed our new baby boy! He was marvelous and I was so thrilled to be a mom! I loved being pregnant, but I was even more excited to have this wonderful child to raise and teach all about the God whom I love and loves me so much.

Things started out very well, he seemed like a typical baby to me, but then I had never lived with a baby before. We were starting off without running water but he had regular baths and we hauled laundry to either my parents or the laundomat regularly. He was almost 3 months when we had our water put in. Praise the Lord for running water!

However by three months old things got difficult with him. There was one day in particular that I just couldn’t settle him for anything! I tried nursing, burping, rocking, swaddling, not swaddling, singing, holding, not holding, being close by, leaving him safely in his crib and he cried through it all. Not only did he cry but he pinched me hard enough to leave bruises all over my chest. So after more than three hours of that I left him in his crib to cry; thinking & hoping he would fall asleep on his own. It didn’t work. After another 2-3 hours of his constant crying I took him out, swaddled him well then put him in a hold which I now call a “sensory hold”.

The sensory hold consisted of him being swaddled snuggly, then laid on my crossed legs with one arm around him and the other arm pressing down on top of him with gentle but firm pressure. I can only say it was what God had inspired me to do because I trust that my “good ideas” are from Him. My baby boy cried for a little longer then fell asleep and slept for a long time.

After that incident I knew how to get my baby to sleep now and was so thankful! It would take about 30 minutes in the sensory hold but then he would sleep for at least an hour or two and nap 3 times a day until he turned one. The amount of relief I felt knowing that both he and I could rest was indescribable. The sensory hold was needed only until he was somewhere between 6 and 8 months old. Then he was okay to just be held regularly. I don’t think I would have made it those months of constant screaming and no sleep if it hadn’t been for the sensory hold!

2 Corinthians 9:8 “And God is able to make all grace abound toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for every good work.”